Belle de l'intérieur

hello guys, now i'm flashback and realize that i have a blog here. the beginning when i made this blog is about 3-4 years ago. i miss that moment actually! at that time i kindly posted anything about my life, my experinces, my holiday, also my romance life.
there's a lot revolution about my life that must go on has changed everything and i suppossed to being different me for now. life really pushing me to be a mature to make a decision,not to do something rush again, not to be childish, as time goes by my view on this lifetime has changed also. 2 years i've been in college but fewthings that i can't be is "being humble myself" in negative selection. deep down in my heart, it hurts me so well, sometimes i asked my self "why should i've being such a weak person?" in front of the people i'm doing a drama, make a bright smile to face the world hahaha and succeded! everyone thinks i'm happy with this life.

hhh..anyway life must go on r8?
i don't mean it to push God not to give me a trouble, it depends me how to face it not hide it. but mostly i do hide it until i can't survive. and thten i try to looked for a guy who can make me a mature and strong person. idk, is he, or not. he is really perfectionist, he is sooo mature, sooo looking good, sooo smart. is he that i looking for? i know i have to pass the proccess. but everything that i've done its like wrong in his eyes. i want his to help me to be a mature woman. but he never told me if i do wrong. it really confused me.
i will accept anything that he want me to do i f did something wrong, if i accidently hurt him.
if its wrong as i am a girl from a guy that miss to be with him, to be the girl that want to him to hold your hands, or just meet him in the middle of his time.
okay, if that the meaning of being a mature i will do that. sorry if i frequently interfere your time, MAN.